


A Promise Is Forever

by amenokuma (orphan_account)



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Sexual Content, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-23
Updated: 2013-10-21
Packaged: 2017-12-24 10:54:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/939130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/amenokuma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A promise was made and they journeyed together in search of a brand new sky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Photograph

_You were supposed to come back. Why didn't you come back?_ Kanda mused as he looked at the photograph in his hand.

Allen Walker was his name, and when the picture was taken Kanda had been just a child. Walker was older, but he didn't look it with his soft, youthful features. They were such a contrast standing next to one another in the photograph, Allen's hand resting lightly on Kanda's shoulder. There was a frown on Kanda's face, but Allen was smiling enough for the both of them.

 _You said you'd come back._ Kanda's hand tightened on the frame.

He returned the photograph to its place on the dusty mantelpiece and walked slowly around the library. His fingertips ran lightly along the spines until he reached one book in particular, plucking it from its place.

 _Frankenstein_ by Mary Shelley. It had been classified as a work of fiction, but it was also considered horror and that was more than accurate. The author had it right. There really were abominations in this world such as she had imagined. He was living proof of that, after all.

He sat down in the chair in front of the hearth, brushed off the cover and opened the book. At least his reading wouldn't be interrupted. The mansion was as silent as the grave, the occupants long since turned to ashes.

 

When Kanda was 'born' he wasn't alone. There was one other like him, and they were nothing but experiments of demented minds that were hell bent on fashioning weapons of war. They'd been subjected to unspeakable tortures to hone them to perfection, and in the midst of all that was unholy Allen Walker had appeared.

He was a performer, traveling with a circus that had stopped in the town nearby. It was summer and the weather was warm and pleasant. Allen had happened upon the mansion as he walked through the surrounding woods, and the first time Kanda laid eyes on Allen he was sitting beneath a tree on the outskirts of the grounds, taking a brief rest.

As Kanda stalked towards the intruder he said, "This is private property. You're not supposed to be here," his voice laced with irritation.

Allen looked up at the young boy and smiled. "Hello," ignoring the rude tone with which he'd been addressed. "And what might your name be?"

"You tell me your name first," Kanda snapped back at him.

"Allen Walker." He continued to smile in that infuriating way that made Kanda want to slap it right off his face. "Now you," Allen gestured, his finger poking Kanda in the chest.

"Kanda," the boy answered grumpily. "So, why aren't you leaving?"

"Why don't you come with me?"

Kanda stared incredulously at Allen. "Why would I do that? You're a complete stranger, and I'm not supposed to leave the property anyway."

"Wouldn't you like to see the show?" Allen persisted.

"What show?" Not that Kanda was curious or anything. No, not in the least.

"The circus performance. I'm part of it, you know. You can see me at my finest!"

"Hmph. I'm not interested in childish things like that."

"But, why not? You're a child, aren't you?" Allen cocked his head to the side with a quizzical expression.

"Far from it," Kanda muttered.

"Oh, come on. It'll be fun," and Allen gave Kanda a smile so bright it was almost blinding.

"Don't have any use for fun," Kanda stated emphatically.

"Of course you do, and you'll be able to see a sky different than any you've ever seen," Allen said as he stood and brushed his pants off.

"That's stupid. The sky looks the same everywhere."

"You can't say that for certain because you've never _been_ anywhere else, am I right?"

Well, he had a point, but the only reason Kanda decided to take Allen up on his offer was to prove him wrong.

"Fine, I'll go, but I can't stay out long."

"You'll be back in plenty of time," and Allen reached out and took hold of Kanda's hand, pulling him along before he had a chance to change his mind.

 

It wasn't just the sky that looked different, now that he was away from the stifling atmosphere of the mansion. Kanda had never been to the town. He'd been forced to stay in that horrible place, undergoing daily 'treatments'. It was all he'd ever known. He gazed around, taking everything in as he walked alongside Allen, who glanced at him from time to time, amused with Kanda's reactions.

Kanda noticed people staring at them, but it wasn't him they were interested in. They were looking at Allen with obvious ill intent, his scar and hair stood out so much, but Allen kept on walking, seemingly oblivious to them. Kanda already considered his own existence to be that of a monster, so Allen's odd appearance made no difference to him.

They reached the circus tent and Allen took him inside, introducing him to some of the performers. Kanda wasn't really interested in them. He just wanted to see this _show_ that Allen had invited him to. Allen told him it would start shortly and he left to prepare for his act. Kanda took a seat and waited impatiently as people began filing in, filling the seats around him. A hush fell over the crowd when the ringmaster came out, promising them an afternoon's entertainment they wouldn't soon forget.

The animals were boring, the acrobats were better, but it was the clowns that caught Kanda's eye. One clown in particular. A sardonic smile formed on his lips as he watched the people around him roar with laughter at this clown's antics.

_What a buncha' hypocrites._

These same people had ostracized this clown in their minds as he walked through their town not that long ago. They had no way of knowing who was behind that mask, but Kanda knew. Allen might fool everyone else, but no mask could deceive Kanda's discerning eye.

When the show was finished Allen had insisted on them taking a photograph together to commemorate their day. Kanda had scowled at this suggestion but finally gave in, his expression never changing as Allen stood beside him with his hand on Kanda's shoulder. His first instinct was to shrug it off, but Allen looked so happy when he told him to face the camera, so he decided to humor him. When they were done, Allen asked the photographer to deliver the picture into Kanda's keeping and the man assured him it would be taken care of.

"So, what did you think?" Allen asked as they walked back.

"The audience was annoying." Kanda scuffed his feet, kicking rocks off to the side of the road.

"How so?" Allen asked quietly.

"Too loud…but some of the acts were okay, I guess," Kanda conceded.

"I see," Allen said. "So, which acts did you like?"

Kanda looked up at Allen and smirked. "The clowns."

Allen smiled, then seemed to be lost in his thoughts for a moment. "You know, I've been thinking lately that I'd like to leave the circus. See some of the world on my own. Would you like to go with me?"

"Why me?" Kanda looked at Allen warily.

"You remind me of myself when I was younger."

"Tch, you're not _that_ much older than me."

Allen laughed lightly. "Yes, you're right. I just thought we might be able to understand one another."

Kanda took a closer look at those silver eyes; eyes that had also seen much suffering and pain.

"We could see a brand new sky together. It _does_ look different, doesn't it?" Allen waved his arm across the expanse of blue and gazed at Kanda with a gleam in his eye.

"…It does," Kanda admitted, "but I can't leave," and his shoulders sagged.

"That's a shame," Allen sighed, but then he added, "I could always come back. Maybe your circumstances will have changed by then."

Kanda contemplated this for a moment. The future was something he'd never given any thought to. He looked up at the sky, and then at Allen, and nodded his head.

"You promise to come back?"

"Yes, I promise," and Allen held out his hand. Kanda took it, shaking it with a firm grip, and they walked the rest of the way to the mansion in silence.

That evening, as Kanda was enduring yet another 'treatment', he tried to focus on the little glimmer of hope that resided in the back of his mind as a result of his meeting with Allen. But that hope was crushed for the time being by the relentless pain, and Kanda's screams echoed off the stone walls for a long time afterwards.

 

It was about half a year later when Kanda's comrade reached his breaking point and slaughtered all of their tormentors. When he came after Kanda, he said it was for his own good; that he wanted to spare Kanda the pain of having to live in a world that would see him as nothing more than a monster. They were a classic example of the expression _misery loves company,_ and he was someone that Kanda considered a friend. They'd fought, and in the end Kanda was forced to kill for the first time.

As Kanda stood before the funeral pyre he'd made for the dead, the irony of his situation wasn't lost on him. He'd stayed here so his friend wouldn't be left all alone, but when he tried to take Kanda with him, Kanda had killed him because he wanted to live. There was someone he wanted to see again. Allen had promised, so Kanda would wait.

In the years that had since passed, a crazy, old artist and his adopted sons had wandered onto the estate. Kanda had watched from a window as he set up his easel and began to paint the landscape. When he went out to confront the man, he was met with a gentle smile and a request to be allowed to stay for the night. Kanda had shrugged and told the man he was free to do as he liked and went back inside. They ended up staying with Kanda for a few years. Not wanting to leave the child on his own, the man tried to convince Kanda to come with them, but Kanda was adamant with his refusals and they eventually left when he'd grown older.

 

Kanda closed the book and set it aside on the table. He had wanted to leave so many times to look for Allen, but had hesitated on the off chance that the elusive man might finally show up. But now he was done with waiting. He gathered a few necessities and all the money that was left over from the research, and when dawn broke the next day, with the photograph tucked safely away in his coat pocket, he set off to begin his search.

 

He figured the most logical place to start would be to try and locate the circus. Kanda found out they were still operational, but when he caught up to them he was informed, much to his disappointment, that…

"Allen hasn't been with us for some years now. Said he had somewhere to be."

"Did he say where he was going?"

The man shook his head.

"Do you remember which way he went, maybe?"

"Hmm…well, from where we are right now it'd be that way, to the west."

_But that's the opposite… Did Allen not have a sense of direction? …or maybe he never meant to return in the first place._

Kanda sighed and thanked the man for the information. As he gradually got used to this new world he was moving through he found that pubs were his next best bet. Going from town to town he showed the photograph around, and he ran into a stream of disgruntled people.

Seems Allen had a penchant for gambling, poker in particular, and he was damn good at it, too. He never stayed in any one place for long because of that, and following the trail of Allen's gambling exploits was beginning to run Kanda ragged. He was sitting in a pub nursing his beer, staring at the photograph with no clue where to head next having reached a dead end. A waitress came by to see if he wanted another drink.

"I remember that guy," she said as she looked over his shoulder. "Hard to forget the white hair and the scar. He a friend of yours?"

"Sort of. You know where he is by any chance?"

"Shame 'bout that. Started actin' all strange, and people got scared, so they came and took him away to the hospital."

Kanda sat up straight. "What hospital? Where?"

"The next town over", she replied.

He paid his tab and took off in a hurry, but Kanda didn't fare any better when he got to the hospital. According to the staff Allen had been confined there for a number of years but was no longer a patient. They refused to clarify any further when Kanda questioned them about Allen's condition, patient confidentiality and all that. The one useful bit of information he _did_ get out of them was that Allen had been released just recently. As he stood outside the facility he stared absently at the sky.

 _What happened to you, Allen?_ He clenched his fists. _Where the hell did you go?_

 _If they let him out not that long ago maybe he's still in the area._ Kanda glanced around, getting his bearings. _Looks like it's back to the pubs,_ and he started walking towards what looked like the center of town. Sure enough, he was able to pick up the trail and headed out once again.

 

Kanda had been traveling steadily for days, and was sitting on a park bench taking a breather in the latest town he'd entered, when two small children ran past him.

"Slow down, you two," a woman called out, laughing as she tried to keep up.

"Hurry up, Mama, we're gonna be late for the show," and they both started giggling.

Kanda perked up. _Show?_

"They'll be here all day," she said as she passed in front of Kanda.

"Excuse me, ma'am…"

She stopped, a smile on her face. "Yes?"

"Is there a circus in town?"

"Oh no, nothing so fancy as that," and she waved her hand beckoning her children to her side. They walked reluctantly back to her. When Kanda stood they quickly hid behind their mother, clinging to her skirts, eyeing the tall man. "It's our semi-annual festival with all kinds of entertainment. Everyone is welcome. It's a lot of fun, so feel free to join us."

"Thanks, I think I will." _Maybe, just maybe…_

The children took hold of their mother's hands, laughing as they dragged her along. Kanda followed them to the edge of town where a large crowd had already gathered. He walked around the crowd and stood off to the side, watching the acrobatics in progress. When they were finished they were quickly replaced with a group of jugglers and a man balancing on top of a large ball. His face was painted, but the shock of white hair and lean, athletic body under the form fitting everyday clothes were unmistakable. Kanda had finally found his clown.

 

Allen felt a shiver run up his spine as he moved easily with the ball. He glanced around the crowd and his eyes landed on a tall, dark haired man leaning up against one of the buildings. When recognition hit him like a thunderbolt he almost toppled off his perch, but caught himself at the last moment, smoothly integrating it into the performance. The audience gasped and laughed with delight and Allen focused his attention, the professional taking over once again to finish out his act.

He rolled with the jugglers off the stage and a band of fiddlers came on next, immediately breaking into a lively jig. The crowd tapped their feet and some of them began to dance. Kanda made his way behind the stage, eyes darting back and forth until he caught a wisp of white running down the street and around the corner.

 _He's running away!_ "Why you little!" his feet pounding the pavement as he ran after Allen. They sped past the buildings and down dark alleyways until they ended up on the docks down by the water. Allen broke into a sprint, but adrenalin and determination were fueling Kanda's limbs, his blood pumping fast as he closed in on Allen. He grasped his arm, spun him around and shoved him up against a wall.

"What the hell was that all about?!" Kanda growled, grabbing a fistful of the front of Allen's shirt. Allen was looking everywhere _but_ at the man so close to his face. A fluttering motion caught his eye, and he looked down to see the photograph falling from Kanda's pocket. It landed face up on the ground and his eyes widened with wonder.

"You kept it," he whispered.

Kanda took a quick look to where Allen was staring, and with his hand still holding firmly onto the shirt he bent over and picked the picture up and stuffed it back in his coat. "And it's a damn good thing I did. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have been able to find you. Look at me, damnit!"

He took hold of Allen's chin, forcing his face up to look him in the eye. "Why didn't you come back? You _promised_ to come back," his voice cracking slightly.

Allen remained silent, the look in his eyes wild and conflicted.

"Why did you run away from me?"

Silence.

"I'm not leaving until I get an answer I'm satisfied with."

Allen sighed, and slumped in defeat. Kanda loosened his hold a little, but still hung on just in case this was a ruse to get him to drop his guard.

"I have a room at an inn. We can talk there," Allen offered, resigned to his fate.

 

"Before we talk, you think you could clean up your face?" Kanda said as he sat down on a chair in the small room. He crossed one leg over the other and folded his arms across his chest.

Allen touched his cheek, some of the paint coming off on his fingers. "Oh, right. Be just a minute," and he ducked into the bathroom to give it a good scrub. When he emerged the scar was visible once again, and somehow that made Kanda feel a little more at ease. Allen sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at the floor, clasping and unclasping his hands in his lap.

"There's something wrong with me," he began, glancing up at Kanda to gauge his reaction. Kanda's face remained impassive, waiting for Allen to continue.

"It's like there's someone in my head. I can hear voices and I feel like I'm losing my mind. Everything goes blank and I don't remember anything when I come to, sometimes in a completely different place. The last time it happened I guess I scared some people. At least that's what they said when they hospitalized me. They kept me there and made me undergo treatments."

Kanda's eye twitched at the word.

"They eventually released me when I seemed to get better, but it might happen again. I'm sorry, Kanda. I just didn't want you to see me like that."

"You really think I'd care about something like that? Considering what I am?"

"About that. I admit I was curious when we first met, but I thought it would be rude to ask. There was an ominous air about that place you lived, and you didn't hit me as being your average everyday kid."

"Let's just say I'm very familiar with the term 'treatment'." Kanda grimaced at the reminder.

"Oh…sorry…"

"But my history is for another conversation. The important thing is, you showed me a possibility outside of that hell I was living in, and I wanted to see it again. With you."

Allen was looking more hopeful now, but he was still apprehensive.

"So, was the Allen I met back then you, or this other guy?"

"That was me. I didn't start to show symptoms until after I left the circus. I was on my way back to you, but I…got lost," he face breaking out into a sheepish grin.

"And you left a trail of a lot of really pissed off people," Kanda chuckled softly as the ice started to break between them.

"I had to make a living somehow. Can't help it if I was better than them," Allen smiled, resting back on his elbows.

"Tch…one of you is a handful, but I think I can deal with this condition of yours. It'll help if I'm with you if you have episodes. I can keep you out of the hospital at least. You don't want to go back there again, do you?"

Allen shook his head, cringing at the thought of the place.

"Then you're stuck with me because I have nowhere else to go."

"No family?"

Kanda shook his head.

"Me neither…though there was someone once, but he's gone now. We really are a lot alike," Allen said with a smile. "So, I take it you're still not satisfied about something?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You said you wouldn't leave until you were satisfied, so if you're staying then that means…"

"Oh, I'm satisfied for the most part, but you want to know more about me and I want to know about your life before we met, too. In fact…" Kanda got up and moved over to the bed, sitting down next to Allen," I don't think I'll _ever_ be satisfied," a smirk gracing his lips.

Allen's face flushed a bit and he turned to sit sideways facing Kanda. "Then, you're not angry with me?"

"Who said I wasn't? I can't _believe_ you actually ran away from me, and I'm going to make you listen to everything I had to go through to find you. Why are you smiling? It makes you _happy_ I'm still angry with you?"

"Well, no, I'm not happy about that, but I _am_ happy you decided to stay."

"Like hell I'd lose track of you now, and you _did_ say you wanted us to go together."

Allen leaned over and rested his forehead against Kanda's shoulder. "Thank you, Kanda," he murmured. When he glanced up Kanda was looking away from him, but Allen thought he caught just a bit of a smile on his face. He climbed off the bed and grabbed Kanda's hand, pulling him towards the door.

"Wait, where are we going?"

"To get another picture taken. To commemorate us meeting again. You know, this is only the second time we've met, but it feels like we've been friends forever," Allen said happily as they walked outside and down the street, still holding onto Kanda's hand.

"Heh, I guess I don't mind. That picture _did_ come in handy," and a smile tugged at the corner of Kanda's mouth. _His hand's so warm._ He tightened his grip a little and Allen smiled up at him. _I'm glad I found you, Allen._

As they posed for the photographer things were a little different than the first time. Allen had gotten a little taller, but Kanda had surpassed him in height, so it was _Kanda's_ hand that rested firmly on Allen's shoulder, and they _both_ wore smiles on their faces.


	2. Puppet

Two figures trudged across the open plain, distinguished from their surroundings by their long black coats. One had his hood up, covering hair that would easily have blended in with the snow crunching underfoot. The other had his head uncovered, letting his long, dark ponytail stream out behind him as the wind picked up. They made their way to the only shelter in sight, remnants of what had once been a home, and climbed up the steps to the porch just before the blizzard set in.

Stamping the snow off their boots they entered the abandoned house. Snowflakes were drifting down through a few holes in the roof and it was dark and quiet. They dumped the sacks they were carrying on the floor and Allen lowered his hood and removed his coat, throwing it on top of one of the sacks. Kanda did the same, eyeing the bundles with a frown.

"How come my sack is bigger than yours? Did you add some of your stuff to mine?"

"I did _not._ I just ate some food out of mine when you went to buy blankets. You're only noticing that now?" Allen clucked his tongue. "That's not like you. You've been distracted lately. Is something bothering you?"

"It's…nothing. And you couldn't even wait to eat?"

"I can't help it if I'm hungry all the time. How on earth did you get so big considering how little you eat?"

"Hmph..."

"Anyway, it's good we found this place. Didn't expect the storm to come up so fast. I don't see any firewood, though."

"No one's lived here for a long time by the looks of it. It shouldn't matter if we use some of the furniture for kindling."

They broke apart chairs and a table and got a fire going, then dug through their bags for food. Two chairs left intact were set in front of the fireplace and they sat in silence eating their meal. Allen stretched his legs out when he was done, his head drooping as he nodded off. When he woke a short time later he found himself still sitting.

 _At least I didn't fall off the chair,_ and he glanced over at Kanda who was staring into the fire.

"Care to share, Kanda?"

"Hmm?" Kanda came out of his thoughts and glanced at Allen with a slight smirk on his face. "Surprised you didn't fall off the chair," and he chuckled at the frown he received. "I was just thinking about the last couple of towns we passed through, when we were in the pubs… You heard what they were saying?"

"Yeah, about a coming war maybe."

Kanda nodded. "You remember what I told you about how I was created?"

"Yes," Allen replied in a subdued tone.

During the short time they'd been traveling together their bond of trust had grown, and Kanda had opened up to Allen about everything he'd been through. Much to Kanda's relief Allen had accepted him exactly for what…no, _who_ he was.

"What I didn't tell you was that there was a radical faction in the government at that time responsible for financing those experiments. It was part of a plan to covertly start a war, and then be able to provide 'weapons', believing this country would want to take advantage of the offer. They hoped this would lead to their rise through the ranks, which would put them in a better position to stage a coup. But their plans were discovered and they were imprisoned. If there's talk of war now there's a good chance someone related to that group is behind it. It also means they might look into what happened at the mansion. The experiments were conducted in secret and all records were kept there. I destroyed all the evidence after everyone…died, but if someone were to realize I was alive they would come looking for me, and…" Kanda's voice trailed off and he stared into the fire once again.

 _I would be in danger as well,_ but that didn't matter to Allen. He touched Kanda's arm, and when Kanda turned to face him, Allen smiled. "We'll just have to be more careful."

"Mmhm...I noticed some rough looking men hanging around that last place we stayed at. They may be onto us already."

"If something happens we'll deal with it. I don't think anyone will come looking for you in a blizzard, so why don't we just get some sleep and think about our next move tomorrow, okay?"

"So simple with you, isn't it?" and Kanda chuckled lightly. "Yeah, sleep sounds good. I'll get the blankets."

They each took a blanket and sat up against the wall near the fireplace. As the night deepened and grew colder Allen moved closer to Kanda. When Kanda grunted, indicating he was awake, they rearranged the blankets and leaned against each other, sharing their warmth for the rest of the night.

 

The storm had died down while they were sleeping, and come morning Allen went out to fill a bucket with snow to melt for water as Kanda looked through their supplies to make something for breakfast. Wondering what was taking Allen so long he went outside, only to find one of the men Kanda had noticed earlier holding Allen hostage with his arm twisted behind him. Allen shouted out a warning, but too late.

An arm wrapped around Kanda's throat in a stranglehold and a sharp object pressed into his back. "Don't make any sudden moves or we'll take it out on your girlfriend."

"Any idiot can plainly see he's not a girl," Kanda scoffed. "What do you want?"

"Why, you, of course. The dear little experiment. We went to the mansion but it seems there's been no one there for quite a while. There was dried blood all over the basement but no bodies. We couldn't find the research records or the money. When we reported back to our bosses they said there was no way all that money had been used. No records would mean they were destroyed or taken, so they reckoned someone survived. Did you kill them all?"

"That's not what…" but Allen was cut off.

"Shut up, kid. I'm not talking to you. So, what happened to the other experiment?"

"He's dead." Kanda's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"I see, and you thought this was over, did you? You're coming with us, and we'll take him along, too. That should keep you in line. We'll keep him locked up so you won't give us any trouble."

"No." Allen's voice was low and harsh. His eyes met Kanda's for a moment and Kanda nodded imperceptibly.

"What did you say, sweet thing?"

"You're not taking him anywhere," Allen growled, "and I _won't_ be locked up. Never again."

"Afraid you don't have a choice," but Allen's elbow rammed into the man's midsection, throwing him off balance and freeing Allen's arm. Allen turned and kneed him between the legs. The man doubled over in pain and Allen's fist hit him square in the face, knocking him down. Allen was on top of him in a second, his hand tightening around the man's throat, cutting off the air supply. The man was panicking at the sudden lack of oxygen and he flailed and kicked, trying to shove Allen off, but Allen hit him again and the man went still.

The instant Allen began his assault Kanda also made his move. He was too quick for his opponent, grabbing the arm around his neck and twisting it behind his captor's back. "I'll take this," he hissed, relieving the man of his knife. Kanda twirled him around and slashed a clean line across his throat. The man fell in a heap on the snow, clutching his neck as the life drained out of him creating a red halo around his head.

Kanda walked around the body and went to Allen who had rolled off the unconscious man. Kanda helped him to his feet and Allen brushed the snow off his clothes. He winced, his hand automatically going to his head.

"What's wrong?"

"Head...hurts," he uttered through clenched teeth.

"Go on inside then. I need to see if this one knows anything," and he glared down at the man on the ground. Kanda kicked the man in the side, bringing him back to consciousness, and he coughed and gasped for air. "This won't take long," he muttered as he bent over the unlucky recipient of his attention.

Allen nodded his silent understanding and swayed slightly as he walked slowly towards the house.

 

When Kanda came inside he found Allen sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace with his head in his hands, rocking back and forth.

"No…not again…" Allen moaned in his distress.

Kanda kneeled down beside him and pried his hands apart. Allen's eyes were glazed over, his breathing was erratic and shallow. He was taking quick gulps of air and sweat was beading on his brow. Kanda placed two fingers over the pulse on Allen's neck. _His heart's beating too fast._

"Kan...da…help…please…" and Allen's eyes began to flutter closed.

Kanda held onto Allen with steady hands, even if his heart was racing as fast as Allen's. Resting his cheek on top of the white hair he spoke as calmly as he could. "Hey, Allen."

Allen was sinking fast, the voice in his head dragging him down, suffocating him as it enveloped him. _I don't want this. No, not this. Please…just go away. Please!_ He was with Kanda now. Everything was supposed to be better.

Allen moaned again and tried to clutch his head, but Kanda pulled his hands away and Allen frantically grabbed hold of Kanda's shirt.

 _He's losing it. Just keep talking..._ In a louder voice Kanda said, "Hey, Allen, listen to me. You said we'd go together, remember?" Allen's hands twitched. "But I can't go with you there, inside your head." Kanda spoke with more urgency now. "You've gotta stay here!"

The voice was louder…but it sounded different, warmer. Allen began to rise to it, straining to hear what it was saying, making out bits and pieces. "…go together …stay here!" Allen's grip tightened, desperate to hear more.

Kanda was just as desperate. _Fuck this staying calm shit!_

_"I'm not gonna lose you! **Allen!** "_

And Allen shot to the surface.

In the lull that followed Allen's breathing slowed. Hands that were clinging to Kanda's shirt loosened their grip and fell slack against Allen's sides. Kanda placed a hand under Allen's chin, lifting his face to look into silver eyes as they opened and returned to normal. Kanda breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Kanda," and Allen laid his head against Kanda's chest, softly murmuring "thank you" and "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. I was careless to think I was finally free." Kanda shook his head. "I can't even imagine the hell you've gone through, especially at that hospital. I was kidding myself when I thought I could help. All I did was yell at you."

"But it was _your_ voice that pulled me back," Allen said simply, wrapping his arms around Kanda. "It's a scary feeling, and I felt less than human when I was at the hospital, but you've been through hell, too, so don't be so hard on yourself," and he hugged him reassuringly.

"Tch…you're too forgiving," but he ran his hands around Allen's back and squeezed him gently in return. Even though it was daytime the room was growing dim and Kanda took a look out the window. It'd begun snowing again.

"We should leave, but it looks like we'll have to stay here for now."

"Kanda?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm hungry."

Kanda sighed. "What am I gonna do with you?"

"Feed me?" came the hopeful reply.

While they ate Allen said, "Did he tell you anything useful?"

"Nah, he was just a flunky. They only told him what they wanted him to know."

Allen stared absently at the warm water in his cup. "Then we should assume there may be others after us."

"Yeah," Kanda replied, sipping at his own water, wishing it was tea instead.

They spent the rest of the day quietly and darkness fell early. Seeing as how Allen still felt somewhat shaken, Kanda propped himself up against the wall and Allen laid his head in his lap. They bundled the blankets around them and Kanda ran his hand over Allen's hair in a slow, soothing motion until Allen's agitation ceased and they both fell asleep.

 

When Allen woke he was alone and the room was beginning to show signs of daylight. He wrapped the blanket around him and walked outside and silently watched from the porch as Kanda was washing his face with snow.

 _Well, that's one way to wake up,_ Allen chuckled to himself, only to sober as he took note of two mounds in front of the house covered with freshly fallen snow.

Kanda straightened up and turned, studying Allen as he watched him. His eyes followed Allen's gaze and grimaced at the sight. Shaking it off, he walked up the steps to pull Allen to him, stroking his fingers through the soft, white hair like he did the previous night until Allen melted into him. Allen looked up and his hands explored the contours of Kanda's face, all signs of the child long gone. He pressed his warm, dry lips to Kanda's and Kanda guided him closer, returning the soft kiss, brief as it was.

"We need to get a move on," Kanda murmured against Allen's lips. They lingered a bit longer and then they reluctantly parted. They went inside and quickly packed up their belongings, buttoned up their coats, and shouldered their sacks. Walking down the steps and onto the snow they passed by the dead, not even giving them a second thought, and they headed towards the horizon, disappearing into the brilliant rays of the newly risen sun.


	3. Promise

They were moving with caution now, always moving, and distrustful of those they met. Anyone could be the enemy and it was impossible to tell them apart from the innocent. The latest town they were traveling through was bustling with activity since it was closer to the border. They walked through the crowd, silent shadows in black, with their hoods up covering their hair, hiding their faces as best they could. Many people were covered from head to toe against the chill of the season, and their attire was not out of place. It seemed these people were all of the same mind. The rumors of war had spread and many were seeking to leave the country, getting out while the getting was good.

They had been pushing themselves to get this far and were in sore need of a rest, so they took a room at an inn for the night. The country's squabbles were mainly internal so they hoped they'd be safe once they reached the neighboring country, but should the strife spill over to infect other lands they'd just keep moving until they could find peace.

There were two small beds in the room and Kanda was lying on one, Allen sitting on the edge of the other. Allen rubbed his temple with his fingers.

"Another headache?" Kanda sat up, ready to help Allen if he needed to.

"Yes, but it's okay." Allen took slow, deep breaths to quiet the anxiety he felt every time this happened. With the uncertainty of their situation he was experiencing headaches frequently, and he was fighting to keep control, because now he had hope in the form of the man sitting on the bed across from him.

Allen stood and walked over to Kanda, the bed dipping slightly as he sat next to him. Kanda shifted to make room and Allen touched his cheek lightly. He moved closer, his hands snaking through the dark strands, and he pressed his lips to Kanda's. They laid down on the bed, their lips still joined, and Allen kissed Kanda deeply before gazing at him with affection.

"I never got around to telling you about my childhood…" Allen started.

"Yeah."

"But it seems kind of trivial compared to what you..."

Kanda shook his head. "Nothing is trivial." _…if it has to do with you._

"You're right," Allen said with a smile. "I was abandoned by my parents and lived alone on the streets until a good man took me in. The circus he worked for wasn't a very nice place, but I learned a lot of the tricks I know, so it wasn't a complete waste of time. We eventually left and traveled until we joined another one. When he died," Allen's eyes darkened for a moment, "I stayed there, but the longer I was with them, traveling from place to place, the more restless I got. And then I met you."

Allen was happy to have found love once more, albeit a different and deeper kind of love than he'd known when he was younger. He placed one hand on Kanda's chest over his heart, and he thought that no matter how strong the body may seem, hearts could be such fragile things. "You're no monster," he whispered.

"And you're not crazy," Kanda said quietly, grateful for the pure honesty in Allen's words. To be needed, and wanted, and loved; this was all so very new to him.

The room was chilly with no source of heat, so they crawled under the covers and huddled together. Every little noise was enough to put them on edge, and as the night dragged on it seemed as if the town would never sleep.

Hands sought to touch as Kanda unbuttoned Allen's shirt. Allen lay still, holding his breath, as his skin was exposed. Allen worked on Kanda's shirt from the bottom up and pushed it open, revealing the toned muscles of his chest and ran his fingertips over the nipples, eliciting a soft gasp. Kanda pressed them together, the touch of skin on skin somehow reassuring.

Allen undid Kanda's pants, slipping them over his hips just enough and his hand enclosed Kanda's warm, hard length, brushing over the coarse hairs at the base, and Kanda let out a low groan. Allen soothed Kanda slowly and licked his neck and jawline until Kanda raised Allen's face to his own and kissed him with increasing fervor, tangling his fingers through white hair as Allen's hand moved faster. Kanda moaned softly, his breath quickening as he panted, and then he was coating Allen's hand and his body shuddered as he sighed with relief.

Kanda took a moment and then pulled the sheet away from the bottom of the bed. He wiped off Allen's hand, and then himself, and thanked his lover with short, tender kisses. His fingers unfastened Allen's pants and took hold of him, the softness of the skin a sharp contrast to the firm warmth. He pumped smoothly as Allen's arms wrapped around his neck and their lips touched again, their tongues slick with desire.

Allen held on tightly as Kanda brought him closer with gentle, yet insistent strokes, his hips moving rhythmically with Kanda's hand. The need built in Allen, and the lust in his kisses grew like the fire running through his body until he let out a muffled sob as he finally released.

After a few peaceful minutes had passed Allen used the sheet to clean them up, and then pants were refastened and shirts buttoned, ready to leave at a moment's notice should the need arise. This was all they would allow themselves for now. Anything more and they would completely drop their guard. They felt mildly guilty for soiling the sheet, but were certain that the inn had dealt with things much worse than this over the years.

They switched to the other bed and nestled down under the blankets, drowsy and sated. One dozed off while the other stayed awake to keep watch, then the other woke to take their turn. It was a necessary routine they'd fallen into and no words needed to be exchanged, like their unspoken words of love. They just _knew._

 

They rose before daybreak and Kanda sat on the bed waiting for Allen to finish washing up, looking at two photographs he'd taken out of his coat pocket. Allen came back in the room and sat next to him, leaning his head against Kanda's shoulder.

"You were so short then," Allen said, suppressing his laugh.

"Shut up," but there was no bite to Kanda's tone. "You know, if I hadn't left the mansion to look for you…"

"But you did," Allen interjected. "There's no telling how long this second plot's been brewing, but I'm positive you could've handled them just fine."

Kanda put the pictures away and took Allen by the hand, pulling him up. "That's just like you, so _positive_ about everything," and he pushed Allen's hair back and kissed his forehead lightly.

Allen let out a chuckle and said, "I'm _also_ positive we really need to get going."

"Right," and Kanda was all business once again.

Even though it was still early some shops were open. They stopped by a bakery and got something to eat while they walked. Upon leaving the town, the road continued on through a wide open expanse which didn't suit their purposes at all, so they chose to stick to a small forest which ran parallel off to the left. They made their own path through the trees and bushes with mild difficulty, always keeping the road in their sights. Their decision had been a wise one, because there was much traffic that day with the usual flow of people and goods being transported, but most seemed to be going towards the border and not the other way around.

By late afternoon the final town was in sight, and they emerged from their cover and passed through the gates into the walled town. The wall was over twice the height of a tall man, and there were the usual few soldiers stationed at the entrance who merely gave them a passing glance. As they walked through the noisy streets Allen's stomach was growling constantly so he went off in search of dinner while Kanda waited in an alley nearby. When Allen returned the expression on his face wasn't what Kanda expected, seeing as how Allen's arms were laden with food. Allen squatted down next to him.

"We have a problem," Allen said quietly, handing Kanda his share. They shifted their sacks to the wall and leaned against them as they ate.

"So what else is new?" Kanda replied as he began to chew on the sandwich he'd been offered.

"There's soldiers at the other gate leading out of town, too, but they're turning everybody away," Allen informed him as he stuffed his face.

Kanda licked his fingers and looked at Allen with a smirk. "Then we just won't go _through_ the gate."

Allen's eyes lit up. "Yeah," and he broke into a sly smile.

"We'll wait until nightfall."

Allen nodded and they hunkered down to wait for cover of dark. They finished their meal and took a brief rest. Now that they were this close to the border, and their freedom, they weren't about to let something like a little wall get in their way.

They waited for a while after night fell, and when the town seemed to be settling down they made their move. Their sacks would just get in the way, so they discarded most of the contents and wrapped the bare essentials into small bundles, making a sling over their shoulders and under their arms, tying it securely in place in front of their chests. When all was ready they made their way to a section of the wall as far away from the gate as possible.

Kanda leapt, catching the top with his hands, and hoisted himself up. He leaned over the side, extending a hand down and it was Allen's turn to jump, which he did with ease because of his circus training. He grabbed Kanda's hand, and then they were over the top and crouching low on the ground as they hit the other side. After taking a moment to make sure no one had heard them, they got up and took off to blend into the forest that once again ran alongside the road leading out of town.

 

They stuck to the forest for a couple of hours and then came out, moving steadily along the deserted road. As the skies were turning gray with the coming of dawn they finally came to the border.

It was a river. A very, _wide_ river, and the bridge that had once spanned it was gone. Some pilings still jutted up through the water as it lazily flowed around them.

Allen sighed dejectedly. "What now? Do we swim it?"

"If we have to, but let's take a look downstream first to see if there's another crossing... Maybe it narrows at some point so we won't have to swim so far."

"I really don't relish getting wet in this weather."

"Me neither," and they walked along the banks for a little while until they saw a boat.

On the _other_ side.

There was an old man sitting on the shore next to it having an early morning smoke, and when he spotted them Allen hailed him. He gave them an appraising look, put out his cigarette, and then climbed in the boat and pushed off. The boat glided smoothly through the water, and when it reached them they grabbed hold of the hull, steadying it as first one, then the other, climbed in.

"Thank you, sir," Allen said politely.

"No thanks needed. Just doing my job," and the old man cracked a smile, showing half his teeth missing. He shoved his pole against the shore, pushing back into the current. When they were under way he said, "Heard you folks might be having some trouble."

"Where'd you hear that?" Allen asked, glancing quickly at Kanda, who just stared at the man in silence.

"Oh, lots of your people were coming over that bridge, telling tales. It's all we been talking 'bout in the pubs lately."

"But the bridge…"

"Aye, bad business that was. Somebody destroyed it from your side. Left our side just hanging there. Government wasn't too pleased 'bout that, and when they heard tell what your people had to say they sent workers out to take down our side as well. No chance now of it being rebuilt anytime soon."

"So what're _you_ doing here?" Kanda asked quietly.

Happy to have someone to talk to, the old man chattered away. "Government didn't wanna send the soldiers out to patrol just yet. Keep it all unofficial like, if you know what I mean. So they gave me my old job back. Years ago, when I was young, the only way across this river was by ferry, 'til they built that bridge, and I was the one in charge of the ferryin'. They sent me out here just in case there were any stragglers wanting to cross. I was down by the bridge and helped some of your people out, but that trickled down to nothing. Just yesterday there was a couple unsavory types lurking 'round on your side. Thought maybe they was the ones responsible for the damage in the first place. Moved myself downriver after they left. Come a day sooner and you would've run into them."

"We've already had a run-in with some others," Kanda scowled.

"Then you two are lucky," and the old man chortled at their good fortune. They'd reached the other side by then and they all clambered out of the boat, dragging it up on shore a bit.

"I'll be staying here awhile. Figure I might as well do some fishin'."

"Thank you once again," Allen said, offering his hand. The old man took it and shook it with a hardy grip.

"My thanks also," Kanda said as he bowed his head.

"Always happy to help. If your people are heading for war it's always the young 'uns get picked up first. You got your whole lives ahead of you, and it don't seem right to have to give that up just 'cause of some power hungry nuts. Always that way, though," and the old man shook his head. "Hope you boys'll like it here. This is a nice place to live."

"That's good to hear," Allen said as they turned to leave.

The old man continued to ramble away to himself and Kanda chuckled. He leaned closer to Allen and muttered, "Bet his old buddies'll be hearing all about us."

Allen nodded. "We'll be the talk of the pubs tonight for sure."

A cool, fresh breeze was blowing now, and even though they were a good ways away they could hear the old man's last words as clear as a bell: "Sky sure does look pretty today."

Allen and Kanda looked up at the same time, then at each other.

"Yes, it does," Allen said with a grin.

"A brand new sky," Kanda added with a smile, and they walked away into this new country, already looking forward to their promising new life.


End file.
